Hope love and lessons learned…And it started with Churchill

This isn’t political.

This isn’t about being historically accurate.

This isn’t a statement about what I feel about him as a politician.

This is about the hope.

This man is just one example of the hope I was looking for!! And you know what, that makes all the difference for me on my journey. It should for you too. If it’s possible to fight your physiology; he shows us.
He died at home with loved ones in his life… It is possible. It’s possible for people to understand you. See you through your struggle, celebrate with you when you feel crazy happy.

Me….for me….for me it is possible too.

Just because you give doesn’t mean you will receive. There are a million billion amazing quotes that remind you to know your worth.. And when you are ready…you’ll know when to make a decision best for you.

I have epiphanies all the time…but it doesn’t matter so much if I share them unless you can a) feel it on your skin and relate or b) you’re ready to do something about your current situation. But I will share them anyway in case one person reads it and feels LESS alone and enlightens some positivity.
I come to these epiphanies through deep thinking about myself and others because I always wonder why and look for patterns. I want to live a full life because I truly love people. I want to get them… And to get them and be a good person I need to get me and be good to myself.

Ego driven goals or expectations from life are a big turn off and unhealthy! …and unfortunately I have a difficult time with people who are done growing. But I get it. Baggage is sealed and they don’t want to leave that comfort zone. Their habits and ways and wants are established and there are “no other” (quotations because this is a choice) perspectives left. This is why sometimes people need to want to help themselves before they can take the steps (even if they have seen a dr so to speak). Whatever “reward” (psychologically speaking) is to be had is their own, and even if others around them feel the impact, it’s “our” (family, loved ones) job to support until ready. To my dismay if I felt like that it would be disheartening and would make me depressed, I don’t find comfort in misery unless I am in depression…. And to be honest that’s not desired. I met people like this on my camino… And I must say I felt very bad one day when his beliefs begun to irritate me and so I stopped to change my shoes…

My big stink about RW is really over. Now that I feel how tired he must have been I get it. I do…but I also get that not everyone who recognises their black dog is going to end up making that decision…

Churchill has been an inspiration for me since about 2008… His quote “if you’re going through hell, keep going” was the beacon of hope, and I was only to discover there was so much more. It didn’t offer any promises or sparkles…it just said something that my physiology in my brain betrays and tries to fight back….”carry on.”

Carry on…because there is always hope. Always. Hold onto it like a rich man to his jewels. That hope is all yours and it should be a reminder.

I read something today or maybe it was a YouTube video : that accepting death (I really should reference this) doesn’t mean you embrace it or you don’t grieve…it simply means you can carry on without thinking “why” or “why is this happening to me?”

People in my life give me strength not because they comfort me…but they have taught me skills and awareness. Awareness about myself, the good things, the signs that something is wrong and above all to be kind to myself and forgive myself. Along with my effort and persistence I’ve made a change. Doesn’t mean my demons will never try and infiltrate…but whose doesn’t…there’s no need to feel ashamed when you need help, can’t cope or are struggling…carry on and look at how you can fight to keep realistic perspectives. Life is about support and community and focusing on what’s important… Rather than wondering who you’re supposed to be -> just be…

Takes practice and a lot of it. Like ridiculously…. It never goes away..it’s a daily battle but it’s a worthy battle and yeah I do need people like Churchill or Andrew Solomon to show me otherwise…. I’m grateful for that.

So get up… Be aware/mindful of yourself…accept certain things (this part you must do) and carry on…

You can retrain your brain… Hormones (females) and neurotransmitters might betray you from time to time…but equip yourself and you will recover.

It’s ok to lose control sometimes but be aware that you have and that you’ll get past it…just like every other time because you my friend…are a survivor …. You are resilient…. And you have grown.

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I’m a WHAT now?

Perfectionism..

What do you relate this word to?

Someone who is particular about their work and makes everything they do perfect or their best work?
Someone who always has neat and tidy writing?
Someone who always colours in between the lines?

No, no and ohhh heck no!

Instead it’s someone who is something who wants everything to be perfect but is afraid :  a) to put in their all in case they fall short , b) of their own high expectations  or c) knows their high expectations can be reached but unsure if they can maintain these expectations. Basically you are fooling yourself either way…
Who would have thought I fit into this category. I am speechless and somewhat annoyed. How is it that I have caged myself  here?

Well apparently I am a perfectionist, but that doesn’t always guarantee that you do not settle for less with the quality of work you can produce. It means the opposite. And if you could hear me now, I am laughing my loud, continuous laugh. Laughing out loud to say the least, because this is hilarious to me. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I have non-perfectionist tendencies, and that is when I am MOST happiest.

How ironic, I wonder who comes up with these. Whoever they are, they should go beyond just labelling and identifying idiosyncrasies such as these and tell us what in the world we can do with it. I guess I have two options… 1) Own it and make it a part of who I am and 2) Don’t own it, and change your thinking.
Personally I think it is silly, I don’t know where it comes from- I mean being a high achiever all my life, shouldn’t it just be second nature to just continue doing so? Perhaps it is something that has developed and will go away.

What I find interesting is it isn’t just me that has been branded with a label written on bright  fluoro sticker and stuck to my chest. We all have these quirks and such that put a name to our behaviours. And it seems that everyone knows it before I do, even though I over think everything.  I wonder if Perfectionism  is just on the outside to more deep seeded issues. If it is, then honestly you should learn how to take it easssyyyy. Or else it COULD become harder.

All I know is there is a way to beat it. Basically you just say no.  No… this is just a name and maybe I might be feeling like a perfectionist for this one task but that shouldn’t define who I am. Defining behaviours that I might do here and there shouldn’t be the reason for everything. In some ways I think we would be liberated if we didn’t have these shackles of labels even though at the same time understanding your behaviour can be liberating as well.
We can all help each other, instead of calling each other names. Honestly if I labeled my friends’ weird behaviours every time I pick up on them (and believe me, I do) then I would be basically putting them into a box instead of the dynamic individuals I see them as.
When I remind them of who (else) they are, at a time when their perfectionist parrot perches on their shoulder, they no longer think about the standards they think is expected of them, and they act according to who they are. They gain confidence in who they are and the decisions they make because those decisions are based on their OWN expectations. Not expectations they are trying to measure up to. Expectations they/ we guess the recipient is going to have.
Truth is, everyone will look at your work differently. Sometimes there is no rounded set of rules and standards- not everyone will like your work. And if there are a set of rules and standards that are explicit, well there’s no need to stress out, make a checklist and get through it one by one.

Procrastination is good sometimes, because you discover a whole world of inspiration and resources on the net and your whole house is sparking clean (haha) but at the same time it can be debilitating. Work out the reason for your perfectionism in each situation separately. If you feel you are a square peg- then this isn’t going to bother you as much, but if you aren’t it is going to cause a conflict of interest. In which case you can embrace your differences, or struggle each time you sit to work at a task you feel you interpret differently. Just do it, let it develop and as a wise friend told me today… Live it. Embrace it. Cherish it.

You are what you are- not everyone will like it, but you can create your own niche 🙂

Remember:

BEE        YOURSELF